How can I help?

If your friend or family member is in an abusive relationship, they may not realise it. Victims/survivors of domestic abuse often believe the abuse is their fault and feel responsible. Even if they know their relationship is unhealthy, they may remain in the relationship. As a friend try to be there for them because, although they may not show it, they need you more than ever.

If they do choose to leave they may feel sad and lonely when it’s over, even though the relationship was abusive. They might resume the relaionship with their pervious partner many times, even though you want them to stay apart. It is important that you respect their decision and remain supportive so they know they can come to you again.

How you can help

Don’t be afraid to reach out to the person who you think may need support, sometimes they want someone else to ask them if they’re okay. Ask them if they're okay, if they are safe, and do they need help?
Be supportive and listen patiently; acknowledge their feelings and be respectful of their decisions
Help your friend recognise that the abuse is not ‘ok’ and is not their fault. Everyone deserves a healthy, non-abusive relationship
Focus on your friend or family member, not the abusive partner. Even if your loved one stays with their partner, it’s important they still feel comfortable talking to you about it
Connect your friend to resources in their community that can give them information and guidance. There is information about support services in How to get help
Help them develop a safety plan - you can view more information about this on our Keeping safe page
If they end the relationship with the abusive partner, continue to be supportive after the relationship is over
Even when you feel like there’s nothing you can do, don’t forget that by being supportive and caring, you’re already doing a lot
Don’t contact their abuser or publicly post negative things about them online. It’ll only make the situation worse for the person you are worried about

Greater London Authority has developed some useful guidance for supporting family members and friends experiencing domestic abuse. They have also developed guidance for supporting partners who have previously been in an abusive relationship.